Week two is in the books, and I am here to rescue you from that boring 9-5 life that Robert Henderson of the Redskins described so vividly (in case you dont know this story I will cover it later in this column.
(Note: Result means did I pick the game right or not, "W" mean correct "L" means not, for all our 3rd graders out there)
Falcons 28 Panthers 20 (Result W)
If only I bet PA the over/under of 6 games for the Panthers. This team stinks. Simmons wrote a column on sunday about how Delhomme will bounce back etc. Didnt happen. Heres a telling sign, NFL films caught Smith saying to Delhomme "I love you as a person man, your a brother to me.....but not so much as a football player." Do you have confidence in this team? I dont.
Vikings 27 Lions 13 (Result L)
Couple things. One AP is the best running back I have seen since Sanders. Two, Farve looks DREADFUL despite the numbers. Three, the Vikings have played the Browns and Lions, both will go 3-13 IF THEY ARE LUCKY, so why is everyone getting on the Vikings bandwagon. I said this before, and I will say it again, this team might be the worst 11-5/ 12-4 team of alltime eclipsing the 1995 Chargers and 2000 Giants. If this team wins a playoff game I will personally drive to Minnesota and kick Brad Childress in the balls. O, and the Lions have lost 18 in a row and 25 of 26 games. This is getting so bad that Detriot forgot they had a football team like in that seen in Major League. (wait, Haber was the pitcher in that movie he can tell us all about it).
Bengals 31 Packers 24 (Result W)
I dont see ESPN going nuts about Aaron Rodgers for MVP anymore. Packers are a good team, but nothing special maybe 9-7, and Aaron Rodgers is good, but nothing to write home about. Meanwhile WHO DEY, WHO DEY, WHO DEY SAY GONNA BEAT DEM BENGALS!! 1-1!!!! Got to hand it to Marvin Lewis, he won more games than the Lions have in 2/ 12 years.
Texans 34 Titans 31 (Result L)
Not a good sign for the Titans. Apparently during that last drive Vince Young slipped Kerry Collins a roofy, which is the reason he inexplicable dropped the ball which resulted in a fumble. However, if you asked Vince to spell "win" he would not know how to even if you spotted him the "w" and the "n."
Raiders 13 Chiefs 10 (Result W)
Ummmmmm.....Did this game actually happen? I think every game in the AFC West not involving the Chargers and every game in the NFC West should be simulated in Madden. Whatever the final score and stats are is what goes down in the books. Stop wasting everyone's time.
Jets 16 Pats 9 (Result W)
Hey, a real game. My bet with PA is not looking too good, and the Jets defense suddenly looks like the 46 zone that the '85 Bears used courtesy of....Yes pappa Ryan, Buddy. The Jets suddenly look like a team that could win the division and maybe get to 10 wins. Problem is, defenses will catch up with the Jets stagnet and vinalla at best offense which consists of more bubble screens and swing passes than anyother offense in NFL history. Meanwhile, the Pats are in deep trouble. Brady is not the Brady I saw in '07 and years prior, hes too hesitant, doesnt throw deep, and does not have the poise he used to. O, and dont give me that Bills game, the Bills are cursed, any close game they play they automatically lose. If Pats fans give you the "well look at his last two drives against the Bills" they are making your point for you. Nothing makes me happier than to see a sore losing Belichick leaving the field. This guy is a disgrace, when the Pats downfall, which by the way begins this year, is complete in lets say 2011-2012 give or take, this guy is going to commit sucicide. The funny thing is, he is apparently a funny, normal guy according to Chad Ochiocinco, who of course is as normal and funny as they come.
Saints 48 Eagles 22 (Result W)
Some of you might have thought that 52-20 pick was outrageous, while it was pretty close to me. Everything I said came to fruition except for Brees 8 TDS that might have been a stretch. Can we calm down on this vaunted Eagles defense? Does giving up 48 points warrent that? For those who think Vick is going to play QB this year, it is more likly that he fights dogs with members of PETA during halftime at the Linc than play QB this year.
Redskins 9 Rams 7 (Result L)
Nothing to talk about other than the Redskins are atrocious. However, an unknown 6th round pick made headlines. He said this on Twitter about the Skins fans:
"All you fake half hearted Skins fan can .. I won't go there but I dislike you very strongly, don't come to Fed Ex to boo dim wits!!"
As Twitter followers fired back, Henson kept tweeting. "No I didn't play but I still made more than you in a year and you'd [gladly] switch spots with me in a second ... The question is who are you to say you know what's best for the team and you work 9 to 5 at Mcdonalds [sic]. You don't wanna follow me anymore then fine but we play for you and win lose or draw we represent you!! My guy on the Rams said they never got booed even when they didn't win a game."
You got to be kidding me. Little back ground on this guy. He has been inactive both games and some players on the team didnt know he was on the roster or the practice squad. This guy is a F****** disgrace. His apology was terrible and if I were Jim Zorn I would not only cut him, I would make sure he never gets a job again. Seriously, if this guy didn't have monstrous genes which enabled him to be a football player he would probably be homeless. The fans that work at McDonalds are priced out but STILL support the team which leads to your outrageous salary FOR DOING NOTHING BUT SIT ON THE BENCH!! I literally, LITERALLY had as much to do with this Redskins win then that asshole did. I am seriously going to root for the fact that he gets cut and has to work as a janitor cleaning up other Redskins fans S***!!!!
Cards 31 Jags 17 (Result L)
I was right about the Jags unintemidating enviorment. I was wrong about everything else that happend during this game. Warner 93% completion precentage. Del Rio should fire every defensive coach after that. Wait, he calls the defensive plays.
49ers 23 Seahawks 10 (Result W)
See what I wrote in the Raiders-Chiefs recap.
Bills 33 Bucs 20 (Result W)
T.O made a fool of himself, Buffalo beat a terrible team at home. Nothing new right. All is good in the world. If the G-Men dont beat the Bucs next week I am going to tear a hole through my wall. This will happen.
Bears 17 Steelers 14 (Result L)
These are not your Super Bowl 43 winning Steelers. Yes Pablo is calling for Rothlisberger's head, and probably wants Jeff Reed to die, but everyone relax. Steelers are still winning 11 games, making the playoffs and probably losing in the AFC title game. For the Bears, good performence by Cutler and the defense. This was a big win for them, and maybe they can rite the ship that was sinking after week 1.
Ravens 31 Chargers 26 (Result L)
Fantastic play by inmate number 34512....O I mean Ray Lewis at the end of the game. I was a little surprised though he did not simply shoot Darren Sproles instead of tackling him. It has happend before, just watcht "The Last Boy Scout."
Go to 3:40 pretty outrageous stuff. That was an era when you could do that, like when Robert Dinero killed John Kruck and a few other players in "The Fan." These movies could not be made today because they are actually enough crazy people would do this...Which brings me back to Ray Lewis.
Broncos 27 Browns 6 (Result W)
NEXT!!!!!
Giants 33 Cowboys 31 (Result W)
Just read my Giants recap you cant miss it. Beans pointed this out to me, did you catch Jerry Jones picking his nose? I think he needs this lucky potato guy. Watch this video, no joke.
And this one
And of course the now infamous Jerry Jones face
In fact, I am going to devote an entire post this week of funny Jerry Jones videos. He is such a clown.
Colts 27 Dolphins 23 (Result W)
I cant take MNF seriously. And it wont let me unbold this very annoying.
10-6 on the week with my picks.
Other funny stuff I came across.
Max Kellerman was a rapper??? Check out his video with his now deceased brother Sam. Also Columbia Records signed them...Just lost a lot of respect for Columbia Records.
I tried to download a funny audio Beans sent me but it didnt work. Sorry Beans.
NUMBER 9 MADDOG MOMENT
An Emotional Goodbye.
The last Mike and the Mad Dog Show where Chris Russo personally called into Mike and is/was the final time they have been on the air together. Russo starts crying and Mike tries to hold back tears and is too manly to cry. Dog, Dog, I doooont cry. Not my style. I dont cry. And Mike, dont compare yourself to the Beatles. That was pretty pathetic that you just compared yourself to the Beatles. Your a talk show host. Get over yourself.
I will post some more stuff during the week.
-Lew
It was a very trying time to pitch in that shit hole of a stadium in cleveland. That whore of an owner jerked me off of with the cream I use when throwing my sluve balls. CHIEF WAHOO MY ASS, GO BACK TO THE RESERVATION!!!
ReplyDeleteLadies and Gentleman Ed Harris (aka Dilb) graces his presence of this blog.
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